A re-write examined

Hello Folks,

  One of the things I care deeply about is song writing.  Songs are special because they can convey ideas, beauty, and emotion.  These are the things in life that can only be truly conveyed by good art.  As artists we should always be after an expression in its purest and most beautiful form.

  Because art is often such an emotional expression, its easy for an artist to create, admire, and leave it alone.  However, truly beautiful art, often takes a lot of crafting and reworking to get it into its purest form.  This is even more so the case when the artist creates to move beyond expression alone to the realm of communication.

   I recall sending some copies of very raw song lyrics to a mentor of mine; expressions written out of a very formative and emotional time in my life.  My friend graciously thanked me for sharing my heart with him and then asked me what my purpose in writing was:  to express myself, to communicate, or both?  My first thought was that I wanted to express myself, but secondly to help others learn from the pain I went through:  to write something they could identify with.  My third thought was that I wanted songwriting to be a career path.   "Ah, well if that is the case, we have a long way to go" he replied.  Huh?  What a jerk!  Who was he to judge my expression, after all it came out of such a painful time in my life!

  My friend was kind enough to endure the quick temper of a 22 yr old dude with a smart mouth and a lot to learn.  I am glad he did because I learned a lot from what he said next.  "There are a lot of people who work really hard for a living.  People dig ditches everyday in the heat and barely make enough money to make ends meet.  If they don't dig the ditch right, they have to start over and work at it till the job is done well."  "So, you can't expect to just write down a bunch of stuff that comes out of an emotional time and just leave it.  You have to work at it.  You have to dig the ditch right, because its not just about how you feel anymore its about God using how you feel to affect people's lives.  People need songs that help them put words to their life experiences and emotions and they deserve our best.  You know I once heard someone say a good song doesn't make someone say "man I never thought of that before", it makes them say "I have been thinking about that my whole life but have never been able to put it into words; thank you".

  Since that conversation my songs have not been the same.  I want my lyrics and music to connect, to express, to teach, and to offer hope.  Crafting thoughts into their purest and most beautiful form usually means a lot of re-writing.  I once heard an acclaimed writer say "great songs are never written, they are re-written", and in that spirit I'd like to examine a recent re-write I have been working on.

  "You are Holy" is a song I started writing in 2005 and had previously thought it was in its purest form and "finished".  Its not like any of my songs are sweeping the nation or anything, but this tune has often been liked in various churches I have sung it in across several denominations, age groups, and cultures, and I've already had it recorded at a pretty decent studio.  So why would I rewrite it?  I thought I could connect ideas better, say things more clearly, and make a bigger impact on the personal theology of those who sing it regularly.

Here are the original lyrics (visit walkersherman.com for a free copy of the old version recording)

You are Holy    

you are beautiful

you are an all consuming flame

you are wonderful

i am burning i will never be the same

you are Holy - you are good

let your mercy run - Holy Spirit come

you are Holy  - you are good            

let your fire burn - Lamb of God return

cause you are Holy

you are mysterious

you are a raging stream of life

you are dangerous

i am drowning inundated by your light

how bountiful

how merciful      

is the love of Christ

how beautiful

how wonderful

is the blood of Christ

   

so pour it over me

pour it over me

i wanna be Holy

like you are

Words and music Copyright Walker Sherman 2005 all rights reserved used by permission.

  

  The songwriting mentor I mentioned earlier once mentioned that it was helpful to be able to state the main idea of a song in one simple sentence. For "You are Holy" the idea was "God is both holy and good". I found the lyrics in the chorus to make that clear but the lyrics in the verse not so much. At times it seemed like I was just naming random attributes of God while making sure some of them ended in "ful". There were some elements I really like though, like the idea of God being dangerous. I decided that the verses would be more powerful if one line gave an example of God's character of goodness while another of his holiness. Lets look at the old and new verses stacked.

You are holy

you are beautiful   you are an all consuming flame (Old)

           (holiness)                      (holiness metaphor)

you are powerful   you are an all consuming flame (new)

you are wonderful  I am burning I will never be the same  (old)

     (goodness)    (paradox that expands on metaphor:  fire is a way to die but in this case it brings life)

you are merciful     I am burning I will never be the same  (new)

You are Holy, You are Good,  Let your mercy run Holy Spirit come

You are Holy, You are Good, Let your fire burn Lamb of God

You are mysterious  you are a raging stream of life (old)

             (holiness)                 (holiness metaphor)

You are dangerous you are  a raging stream of life  (new)

You are  dangerous             I am drowning inundated by your life  (old)

 (goodness)                     (paradox that expands on metaphor:  drowning is a way to die but in this case it brings life)

You are  compassionate       I am drowning inundated by your life  (new)

I liked the idea of the paradox because life by death is a central them in the Christian message.

Its also worth mentioning that the bridge has undergone some changes over time as well.  It originally read:

how bountiful  

how merciful      

is the love of Christ

how beautiful

how wonderful

is the blood of Christ

   

  One day I was worshiping in my room with the use of this song. I was overwhelmed with the idea of Jesus blood and how gross blood is. There is this tradition in the south where when a boy kills his first deer, all the older men at the hunting camp pour the deers blood all over him and he becomes absolutely disgusting. I was thinking about the hold Hymn that talks about being covered in the blood of Jesus and how when you think about it that is pretty nasty. Yet in this final paradox blood makes us clean instead of filthy. I decided to add:

   

so pour it over me

pour it over me

i wanna be Holy  (my response to the goodness and holiness of Jesus)

like you are

The final edit I did was to tweak the bridge so the ideas locked with the verses

Here it is in what I believe is its purest form.

   

You are Holy    

you are powerful

you are an all consuming flame

you are merciful

i am burning i will never be the same

you are Holy - you are good

let your mercy run - Holy Spirit come

you are Holy  - you are good            

let your fire burn - Lamb of God return

cause you are Holy

you are dangerous

you are a raging stream of life

you are compassionate

i am drowning inundated by your light

how powerful

how merciful      

is the love of Christ

how beautiful

how wonderful

is the blood of Christ

   

so pour it over me

pour it over me

i wanna be Holy

like you are

Words and music Copyright Walker Sherman 2005 all rights reserved used by permission.

   Thanks for thinking through some of these ideas with me. I hope they help improve your expression and communication in song crafting! Have any concepts that you use when songwriting? Do you worship through songs you are writing privately before trying them out publicly? Have you ever been tempted to leave a song as it is because "digging the ditch right" has become to difficult or emotionally trying?  Know of any good songwriting resources that might help the community? Join the conversation!

  Gods Peace
+walker